Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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