Soap is not a condiment
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
