I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
