I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
