So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
