Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
