Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
