loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
They took my balls.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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