When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He told me they were just razor bumps!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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