Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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