first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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