yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
