we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
