so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
