We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
