im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
