I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
