I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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