i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize