So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
