This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
