I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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