i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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