3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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