if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I CAN MOONWALK!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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