I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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