i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
