Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
