I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
