thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
