Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
