come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
