Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize