What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
