i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
