just come out here and I will go home with you...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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