You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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