barbara walters just said penis...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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