I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
