I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
