i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
