my vag is so smooth its legendary
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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