I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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