I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
