that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
