I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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