I hate your face
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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