For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
