True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
