I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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