Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
