I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
