Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
