I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
