Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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