i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize