I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You pole danced in your parka.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
