I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
