Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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