The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
