I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You are the jesus of drinking
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
