Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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