if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
