winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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