Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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