Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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