If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
