Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
