What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
