Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
