She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
