I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
