i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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