Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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