We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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