it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
