either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
50% drunk capacity currently
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
