We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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