its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
