bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Pooping to opera.
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