girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
