I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
