When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
