it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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