Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
