God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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