Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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