We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
